Ever wondered why our kids, despite constant reminders, keep repeating the same mistakes? It’s not because they’re defiant or oppositional as most of us would like to think, but just telling them what to do is seldom effective. Our kids are like monkeys when it comes to learning–more so than chimpanzees. They excel at what we call ‘selective hearing,’ tuning us out when we just use words. Our actions on the other hand have a lasting impression on them. Kids learn best by imitation, watching and doing. Telling them what to do or not do seldom works (I’d say you’re a lucky parent if that works with your kids).
Next time we grab that bag of chips during a commercial break, prioritize screen time over reading, conversing or listening, text while driving, buy soda, cookies and other processed foods at the grocery store or procrastinate exercise, remember those little brains are watching, processing and learning from us.
When we drink irresponsibly, are disrespectful of others, use foul language, display anger in a destructive and hostile manner, refuse to stand up against a bully, lie or use dishonest means, our actions get imprinted in their brains at a very young age and provide a model of how to behave.
As our lives get busier and more hectic with every passing moment, showing instead of telling might be the best way to teach our kids the values and habits we want them to develop as they grow and step into the real world one day.
Gone are the days when “Because I said so,” “I’m a grown up and you’re not” or “This is about you and not me” would convince our kids to do something. Let’s just do the right thing ourselves before telling them to do so.
–Sangeeta Elhence, M.D.
photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/casch/285455204/
Lake Lewisville Pediatrics 